Last year I took on the project of filing away all of the negatives that had previously sat in envelopes for 6 years. Back then I had been sending most of my processing out and was shooting film every single day so there was a lot to sort through.
On and off through those years I was teaching myself to shoot in manual and learning pretty much all the basics of photography. It was pretty exciting as well as laughable to see some of my old work, and how it has progressed.
We giggled as I showed my wife old prints of a tree that I photographed over and over just because I loved the character of the tree bark. At the time, I thought they were great!
The Photographer’s Honeymoon Phase
As I looked at these prints, I felt nostalgic for a time when photography was that new, and that exciting. This made me think about the first phase every photographer goes through when they start to learn how to expose a picture. That time is what I like to call the honeymoon phase.
That’s a time when you receive scans back from the lab, and feel so excited just because the shots are in focus, or the exposure is exceptable. That is an excitement I know I will never feel again. That is not necessarily a bad thing, however, because it shows progress. It is a testament to how I have grown as an artist and how I have expanded my expectations based on my skills.
With that being said, it also made me realize how much I miss that stage and how I want to revisit some of that freedom and eagerness of just experimenting and learning. It wasn’t about perfection back then. It was about allowing myself to make mistakes and to take that shot even if I didn’t think it was the best one. I believe that’s something we all need to remember if we want to avoid things like burn out or if we simply want to keep the fire burning for the passion we have for photography.
I love seeing how far I’ve come. I’m still learning and always trying to grow, but I’m also somewhat hindered now by my own progress. Each time I see improvement, the bar is set higher. As I climbed higher, I left behind the joy of photography and the joy of seeing. Now I’m in a slump.
The Never-ending Slump
What comes after the honeymoon? I think every person who’s been married knows that the scariest part is when the fun of the wedding and honeymoon are over, and you realize you have to start living a new life with someone and that realization that you could actually fail.
As I’ve grown in my photography and reached certain points in my skill set, I’ve started to feel that same fear. How will I ever top what I did last? How will I ever create something with true meaning? Am I even any good at this, really? Obviously, these questions don’t apply to marriage but you get my point.
A lot of times, this second phase starts to feel like all work and no excitement’s. At least not in the way it used to excite me. My YouTube channel has especially stymied my love for this art. I put so much time and energy into my last video. It performed really well, which tells me you all liked it, but now I’ve been absolutely paralyzed in my next move. I cannot bring myself to do anything related to photography. I’m even pushing myself to write this article right now.
I know that some of the paralysis is being caused by the heaviness of some of the things that have been going on in my life lately, but that’s just the thing, that used to be the actual catalyst that pushed me into creating.
Climbing out of the Hole
Another factor is that I am feeling just straight up imposter syndrome. I don’t think anything I do is good anymore. I don’t hear much from the community anymore like I did back then, and that has a huge impact on me. I know everyone says to post pics for yourself but why would I do that? If I didn’t want to show people my work and hear constructive feedback and make friends, then sure, I wouldn’t bother to post anything. But my goal as a film photographer is to create a community around my work. I want people to want to purchase it in print form and book form and want it in their hands. I can’t get to that if I don’t post my work hoping for interaction. So when that interaction died down and people I made friends with stopped reaching out, I started to question if maybe I just am not good at this.
So what’s the remedy? How can I get out of this slump? I know that part of it is that I need to express the pain and anxiety I have been having for a while now because of certain events in my private life. That expression has always been in writing and photography and since I can’t seem to face anything through my photos for some reason, right now I will try to do it through writing.
Final Thoughts
I hope that any of this has made any sense. I needed to post this to you all because I appreciate that you’re still here and I have a hunch some of you may have felt this way at some point too.
I think I also badly need to talk about some things that have been bothering me lately and maybe that will get me over this slump and back to expressing it through my photos again. So please bear with me a little longer while I work my way back. Hopefully you guys don’t mind me sharing some of these things, but I have always used this blog as sort of a journal and I like talking to you all.
Right now this may seem a little ironic coming from me, but as always Stay Motivated and Keep Shooting!
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I really enjoyed your story and your pictures. Maybe I can help.
Fortunately, I reset the honeymoon period in photography multiple times a year but it does take buying new and different cameras regularly. If they are a little complex, so much the better. This year included a 1938 Skyview Aerial Camera for a good bit of money but also a Ferrania Rondine with no covering for $20, a Rollei B35 for $80, a Kodak Senior 620 that had rotten bellows for $28 (painted the bellows with liquid electrical tape and acrylics – shoots beautifully), a pinhole camera that shoots regular and/or redscale on the same negative (front and back lens) plus my continuing collection of Holgas in every format except digital. If you just want to limit purchases, I highly recommend really getting to know Holga photography. I shoot 200 rolls a year or more and almost half are Holgas. Good luck.
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
I like your process. I think I’m going to try using my box cameras again. That’s what I was using in the beginning. Similar to using your Holgas, maybe that will give some mystery and excitement back to shooting.
To add a little about the Holga. The plastic lens with the sharp center and impressionistic edges means so much to my experience. Plus I shoot color, B&W and most fun of all hand-held Holga Infrared. I even have 2 Holgas with no shutters, for lens cap photography at night in color and B&W. I have some helpful articles on 35mmc. Neal Wellons