Crohn's Disease Awareness · film photography · mental illness awareness · Photo essay · photography

My Top 19 of 2019 – End of Year Blog

This year has been a tough one. It’s been full of very big ups and very big downs for me. I can’t say I am too sad for it to end. I lost three very special family members in death. I spent two weeks in the hospital with a flare up so severe doctors could not get it under control. I then came home to find out I couldn’t walk.

It may have been one of the most challenging years of my life, but from pain and struggle, you can bet there will almost always be a blessing in disguise. From pain and sickness I often tend to express myself artistically because I just don’t know how else to process everything I am going through. In this case, this year I have been processing a lot of sickness and death. As the year draws to a close, and I go through my photos from the year, I have discovered that I have expressed these struggles through my photos.

The following are my personal favorite 19 film photos of 2019. This first photo is of my cat Midnight taken with my Canon TX on Fujicolor Superia Xtra 400 back in September. I can remember how happy I felt when this roll came back from the lab and I actually got the exposures correct.

This next picture is of my other cat Jasmine. Now this pic may seem simple if you don’t know the context, but for me it is special because at this point in October, I was stuck in my bed and you can faintly see the legs of my commode behind her. It is an embarrassing reality that for a while my legs were so bad I couldn’t even make it to my bathroom.

I took this picture while lying in my bed holding my Canon TX wishing I could be outside taking pictures like everyone else. I was so happy when it came back clear and exposed correctly. I was making progress in my photography despite my limitations.

This succulent plant is another one I shot a lot of since being confined to my house. Looking back at all the shots Ive taken of this plant, I can clearly see the progression in my knowledge of exposure.

If you follow me on instagram or Facebook, you have probably seen the many photos I have taken of these Pine trees. When I first started taking film photos again, I was confined to the yard and these trees in the distance were my favorite subjects to practice on. Each morning I would get up early (the prednisone I am on often didn’t let me sleep late), and I would go right outside to see what bird was up on top of the pine that day.

This picture was taken on my first outing since coming home from the hospital. I was in my wheelchair at a vinyl records store. I was just so happy to be out, and I can remember that feeling when I look at this picture.

These next two pictures taken again with my Canon TX on Kodak Gold 200 (my favorite combo then), are special to me because they were taken the first time I was able to walk down the block since coming home and discovering I could barely walk. My insurance gave me a very hard time about getting physical therapy for months. I only just recently was approved. Until then I had taken it into my own hands and slowly made progress walking around taking pictures in my house, then my yard, then finally in my neighborhood.

When I first came home I couldn’t even walk out of my front door and stand for more than a couple minutes before I had to go back in the bed because of the pain. Slowly I made progress and was able to go down the block where I took these pictures in my neighbors yard.

I took this picture after a doctors appointment, and it was the first time I had ever taken a camera with me to the doc. I suffer from severe anxiety from PTSD, especially before appointments. I realized bringing my camera with me was almost like having a support animal. I look forward to the pictures I will take afterwards and it has helped me get through these tough times.

I soon started to notice I like taking pictures of cemeteries and churches which I’ve found stems from the deaths I’m dealing with and the recent detachment from a religion and former beliefs I have been struggling with. It was all coming out in the photos I was taking.

As I kept progressing I started to find more places around my doctors offices that I never noticed before.

Fujica ST801
Rolleiflex Automat

Making videos for my YouTube channel also became a motivation. These two pictures I took recently in Tradition, Florida. You can see more from that day in my blog here and my videos here. I got to use cameras I never thought I would ever use. A medium format Mamiya 645 Pro, an Argus Argoflex Seventy-Five, and a Nikon F.

Nikon F Ildord Ortho Plus 80
Nikon F Ildord Ortho Plus 80
Argus Argoflex Seventy Five
Kodak Portra 400
Argus Argoflex Seventy-Five
Ilford XP2 400

This photo is one of my favorites. There isn’t any sentimental reason behind it. It was taken on my first roll of Fujicolor 400H, and I just love the colors.

The final picture of my 19 of 2019 is one I took of this ornament that I got to represent the memory of my Aunt Frances this Christmas. I had hoped she would make it to the holidays so we could celebrate them together, but she grew tired and she let go just before thanksgiving.

Thats my favorite 19 of 2019. I still have a long way to go with my health. I am not entirely away from my wheelchair yet, and I am still in a lot of pain. There are still a lot of variables with the new medication I am on and hoping it will finally put me into remission. Until then, I have found something to keep me going, and keep me fighting.

As this year comes to an end, I want to thank you all for your continuous support of this blog. I hope I have inspired someone to push their limitations, and I hope I can keep doing so in 2020. I have a lot more planned for this blog and for my YouTube channel. If you haven’t yet, please head over there and subscribe so you will know when I post my videos. Until next year, I wish you all a happy and healthy year to come.

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