One of the hardest parts about getting used to my new reality has been not being able to play with my daughter. If you need to catch up, here is my last article to give some context.
I’m a stay at home mom so my instinct is to be not only motherly, obviously, but to chase her around and play with her. My nurse, at first, advised me to stay in bed to avoid anymore falls. So this has been impossible.
However, I started PT Saturday and I feel hope again for the first time. He gave me goals and exercises to practice. The neuropathy unfortunately may be the last thing to get resolved, but the focus is to restore the severe atrophy that has happened to my legs.
This will at least get me up and around again and closer to my old routine.
New Mornings
My mornings before were full of what we all take advantage of. I could sit up in bed unassisted and start my routine. I could get up and walk to the bathroom, get food, then start my day with my daughter when my wife went to work.
That has all changed abruptly. Now I wake up in a separate bed and watch them sleep while I lie here, usually sick to my stomach. It is difficult until my daughter wakes up and in her scratchy, 2 year old little voice says “hello mama.” That is the best sound in the world.
Being knocked out from under my feet so to speak has forced me to slow down and be able to just enjoy the beautiful little things that will soon be a memory.
Camera of Choice
I have been using the Fuji X100V mostly right now, especially for these dark early morning photos. I prefer film just because I love using the cameras, but the X100V handles the dark lighting and allows me to quickly transfer my photos to my phone so I can make these blog posts. Also, right now I just don’t physically have the ability to develop film and I don’t know when I will. So this is the weapon of choice for now.
What’s to Come?
My goals now are to work very hard on my PT so that I can get back to a routine with my daughter. I want to get stronger so I can start using film again instead of digital and express myself in the way I really want to.
These things, of course, are all secondary to the main goal of getting my new medication started and get stable again. That is unfortunately the part that’s out of my hands.
I’m going to have to start a lot of doctors appointments again which has always been a huge source of anxiety for me that film photography helped to alleviate in the past. So the future feels very daunting for me. However, I have goals now.
Final thoughts
So what about you all? What’s your routine like? Do you even have one? Do you record your life on camera regularly? I’d love to hear from you and I hope you’ve enjoyed my little journal updates and photos. I can’t wait until I can start making it outside again to include some photos in nature again.
Until next time, now more than ever, stay motivated and keep shooting.